Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman: What Men Know About Success that Women Need to Learn by Evans Gail

Author:Evans, Gail [Evans, Gail]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2000-08-09T14:00:00+00:00

10 | Don’t Anguish

SITUATION: Two days are left before the big presentation and the work isn’t finished.

HIS MOVE: He doesn’t let on that he’s worried.

HER MOVE: She tells her friends that she knows she won’t be ready.

I once knew an exceptionally talented woman who worked for a large company, where she was known as the local Ally McBeal. She told her troubles to everyone who would listen. Every mistake, real or imagined, became the subject of a long conversation. Every self-destructive thought was verbalized. Every dreary moment was grist for the rumor mill.

The woman saw nothing wrong with her behavior. She even volunteered that her therapist (whom everyone heard plenty about) recommended that she share her feelings as often as possible.

As was frequently pointed out, her therapist didn’t have to share an office with her. Those who did found themselves so burdened by her inappropriate disclosures that they turned her into a pariah. No one would volunteer to start a project with her. No one would want to take a trip with her. Her career slumped, which made her worry more, which made her talk more.

Remember this: Guys wear their game face. Even when the odds are against them, they still try to look as if they’re going to win. And who knows, maybe they will.

Girls are brought up to be nice. In turn, we want everybody and everything else to be nice too. When they aren’t, we anguish openly about anything and everything—what’s the best restaurant for a client luncheon? Are these the right clothes for the meeting? Is promotion really a possibility? Are the budget projections accurate? Is the weather good?

I’m not saying that guys don’t worry. Of course they do. But they know that when the competition is intense, you don’t let your anxiety show—unless you have a compelling reason to do so. Say the substitute comes into the game to help charge everyone up. He doesn’t tell his teammates that he should be looking after his grandmother, and his foot hurts, and he doesn’t want to have to compete against his cousin on the other team.

Women are more apt to show vulnerability than guys in all areas of life; we were encouraged as young girls to tell Mommy what’s wrong. We got attention for sharing our problems. “Does it hurt? Mommy will make it better,” were among the kindest words we heard.

Today you’re not worrying about your skinned knee but about tomorrow’s presentation, and you’re tempted to share your fears with your colleagues. What you want is the same kind of reassurance you got when you were young. “You’ll be fine, you’ll do great.”

But the guy in the cubicle next door isn’t Daddy. He has no interest in your inner turmoil. And you don’t want him to know. Because if he does, someday he could use it against you. That may be unfair, but that’s business.

THE PROBLEM: Nervous and stressed out, you want to discuss your problems with others.

WHAT TO DO: Don’t. Anguish in private.

But if

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